Hurry, hurry, step right up! Come one come all and lay your eyes on the worst of the wicked, the dumbest of the dumb, the ….well you get the point. It is time again to hand out our prestigious awards. So, without further ado, let the show begin.
ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD
Rep. K. Michael “Mike” Conaway (R-TX)
The esteemed representative from Texas is one of the biggest vocal critics on federal spending. He has actually been put on record as saying that spending cuts would help create new jobs. This is good. Here comes the asshole however. He recently lobbied the National Park Service to consider turning the childhood home of President George W. Bush into a national park location. To begin with this sounds absolutely absurd. A national park location for a president that pushed us into a trillion-dollar deficit. This would require more tax money to be spent. According to a study by the U.S. Department of Interior, it costs between $500,000 and $4,000,000 per year for each national park location. So is really wise to make that house a park site? Conaway earns the Asshole of the Week award for considering such foolishness during these financially trying times. It appears he is not much smarter than his Texas hero.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD
Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA)
The wonderful senator from the great state of Iowa runs away with the Douchebag of the Week award. He is one of the 22 Republican senators that voted against the Violence Against Women Act (VAMA). He stated that VAMA is unconstitutional. Specifically, his claim to total douchebaggery is his statement at a town hall meeting in Iowa. He was asked by a woman why he voted against the act. He stated, “Native Americans are not capable of holding fair trials.” He was referring to white men being tried at tribal courts for crimes against women. Not only did he prove himself to be ignorant, he showed that racism is alive and well in this country. For this blatant display of stupidity there can be no other winner.
Well friends and foes, I hope that you have once more enjoyed the dubious distinctions that we have awarded. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
– Peace, hair grease and love.