WEEKLY AWARDS

We now join our currently scheduled programming (fuzz on television crackles and programming comes on).  Good morning ladies and gentlemen.  It is that time once again when we award those lacking common sense, intelligence and overall moral fiber.  This week’s winners have shown that they have the true grit to be selfish, self indulging idiots.  The have passed muster for their lack of consideration to a nation and administration.  Without further ado, the winners are as follows.

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL)

The esteemed senator from the sunshine state has walked away with the award for Asshole of the Week.  He has proven to be prickly enough to deserve the notoriety.  On Thursday the senator was a guest on Hugh Hewitt’s talk radio program.  During his interview, he stated that he would continue to vote for a government shutdown or sequestration unless Obamacare is halted completely.  It seems that the senator believes Obamacare will have dire consequences on businesses and the U.S. health care industry.  Apparently he did not get the memo showing that this idea had been debunked.  Glad to see the Republican party makes sure that their decisions are made on facts and not myths.  Rubio showed his selfishness by threatening to vote to sequester.  It seems the money in his pocket is more important than the health of his constituents.  Well played asshole.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

Bill O’Reilly, Fox News Host 

Mr. O’Reilly has done and said many things in his time on Fox News.  However, it may be just possible that this is one of the best examples of his mastery of douchebaggery.  On Tuesday, he was interviewing a Fox News contributor, Alan Colmes.  During the interview O’Reilly flipped out and started yelling at Colmes and calling him a liar.  Colmes had stated that Obama had proposed spending cuts in the amount of $2 for every dollar that revenues raised.  He then cited Medicaid as a program that Obama was in favor of in regards to reduced spending.  O’Reilly then stated Colmes could not name one specific program that Obama would approve in regards to spending cuts.  When advised that Obama did approve of cuts to Medicaid, O’Reilly began yelling at Colmes calling him a liar and stating that Medicaid was not a specific program. Great job Mr. O’Reilly.  You have shown that even in the face of overwhelming facts, you refuse to accept anything the current administration or Democratic party say as fact.  It is for his steadfast dedication to ignore facts that wins him the award. Perhaps if he learned to accept facts his show would improve.

Well ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, those are the winners for this week.  It just goes to show that sometimes you can take the man away from the dumb but you can never take the dumb out of the man.  Tune in next week for yet another intoxicating installment of awards.

– Peace, hair grease and love.

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WEEKLY AWARDS

Hurry, hurry, step right up!  Come one come all and lay your eyes on the worst of the wicked, the dumbest of the dumb, the ….well you get the point.  It is time again to hand out our prestigious awards.  So, without further ado, let the show begin.

 

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Rep. K. Michael “Mike” Conaway (R-TX)

The esteemed representative from Texas is one of the biggest vocal critics on federal spending.  He has actually been put on record as saying that spending cuts would help create new jobs.  This is good.  Here comes the asshole however.  He recently lobbied the National Park Service to consider turning the childhood home of President George W. Bush into a national park location.  To begin with this sounds absolutely absurd.  A national park location for a president that pushed us into a trillion-dollar deficit.  This would require more tax money to be spent.  According to a study by the U.S. Department of Interior, it costs between $500,000 and $4,000,000 per year for each national park location.  So is really wise to make that house a park site?  Conaway earns the Asshole of the Week award for considering such foolishness during these financially trying times.  It appears he is not much smarter than his Texas hero.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA)

The wonderful senator from the great state of Iowa runs away with the Douchebag of the Week award.  He is one of the 22 Republican senators that voted against the Violence Against Women Act (VAMA).  He stated that VAMA is unconstitutional.  Specifically, his claim to total douchebaggery is his statement at a town hall meeting in Iowa.  He was asked by a woman why he voted against the act.  He stated, “Native Americans are not capable of holding fair trials.”  He was referring to white men being tried at tribal courts for crimes against women.  Not only did he prove himself to be ignorant, he showed that racism is alive and well in this country.  For this blatant display of stupidity there can be no other winner.

Well friends and foes, I hope that you have once more enjoyed the dubious distinctions that we have awarded.  We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

– Peace, hair grease and love.

WEEKLY AWARDS

Well hello there boys and girls, ladies and gents. It is that time again.  You guessed it, time for the weekly awards. This week I am blessed to be able to say that both awards are going to the same benevolent benefactor of bullshit.  He has truly earned both honors.

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Senator John McCain (R)-AZ

Senator McCain wins the award for the Asshole of the Week Award for his appearance on Meet The Press.  On Sunday, February 17, 2013, the wonderful senator stated that the current administration (you know which one, the one with that black socialist guy) is “perpetrating a massive cover-up” in regards to the deaths of American diplomats in Benghazi.  The details of the attacks on the consulate in Benghazi were released months ago. There has been no proof of any wrong doing in regards to this incident.  However, McCain still insists there is a conspiracy to cover up information in regards to this incident.  Just another example of his need to become retired, as soon as possible.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

Senator John McCain (R)-AZ

The Douchebag of the Week Award goes to the sensational senator as well.  This distinction was earned for his comments in regards to the  nomination of Chuck Hagel to the post of Defense Secretary.  McCain stated that he supported the filibuster against Hagel due to the fact that Hagel was mean to President Bush.  He then went on to say that Hagel would most likely have his nomination confirmed after the Senate’s Presidents Day recess.  Is this the third grade our senators are in?  McCain thought Hagel was mean to President Bush?  If that were the case, would there be anyone who could possibly be available to be nominated?  McCain, as one of the senior senators, should have simply proceeded with getting the confirmation completed prior to the Senate recess.  This would have allowed for more pressing issues to be addressed upon the Senate’s return.  MIA:  McCain’s intelligence and common sense.

It is with the utmost sincerity and good fun that I present this weeks dastardly duo award winner.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  Therefore, join me next week for the next installment of the Weekly Awards. Be sure to tune in.

-Peace…Hair Grease…and Love

WEEKLY AWARDS

It is that time again for the dubious distinctions to be directed toward their derelicts.  This weeks winners are definitely deserving of being  chosen.

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK 

Representative Lamar Smith (R-TX)

The esteemed representative from the great state of Texas is the recipient of the Asshole Of The Week award.  Like most of his counterparts in the Republican party, Mr. Smith is against immigration reform.  He would prefer that we simply deport all of the illegal aliens that reside in our country.  This week, he warned GOP members to oppose immigration reform as it would give the Democratic party “millions of votes”.  Wow.  Really?  That is a really good reason to deny immigration reform.  No wonder our Congress cannot get anything done.  With hints of wisdom and racism combined like this, Mr. Smith is this week’s most deserving award winner.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK

Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL)

The esteemed senator from the sunshine state is proudly awarded the Douchebag Of The Week award.  He was chosen by the Republican party to respond to the President Of The United States’ State Of The Union speech.  He used this opportunity to show party strength and lack of intelligence by announcing that he still lives in the same working class neighborhood that he grew up in.  He said that most of his neighbors are the ones who get up early every morning to go to work or receive Social Security and Medicare benefits. He stated that he was proud to be neighbors with these people and that reforms to Social Security and Medicare need to be made for these kind of people.  He sealed the deal for this week’s award when he failed to mention that his house has been for sale since last fall.  He is currently trying to sell the house in an effort to move his wife and children to District of Columbia.  It was a nice touch of douchebaggery.  Brag about how much you love your neighbors and fail to mention that you are ready to up and go the minute the house is sold.

Until next week, enjoy your time and time your enjoyment.

-Peace, hair grease, and love.

WEEKLY AWARDS

As you may have read on a previous posting of mine, I am awarding weekly awards for inept or socially unacceptable behavior.  The main winner will be deemed the Asshole of the Week.  The second most polluted social action or statement will be rewarded with the Douchebag of The Week.

This weeks winners are as follows for showing such low moral fiber and a blatant lack of class or redeeming qualities:

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Sens. Ted Cruz (R-TX), Mike Lee (R-UT), Tim Scott (R-SC), Marco Rubio (R-FL), Mike Johanns (R-NE), Rand Paul (R-KY), Pat Roberts (R-KS), and James Risch (R-ID)

This week’s award goes to 8 Republican senators for there appalling vote to block the Violence Against Women Act.  This act expired at the end of 2012.  Now these super geniuses have decided that the bill does not need to be renewed.  I wonder which one we will see in the news first for punching their wives in the face.  Nothing like the GOP to want to make it legal again to smack the old ball and chain when she doesn’t listen.  Their blatant disregard for an act that was created to protect women earns all of them the award.  

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

American Oil Companies

The runner up this week is once again shared.  It goes to all the American owned oil companies that continue to gouge the hard working men and women of this country.  Gas prices are at a 30 year high despite a drilling boom.  However, the executives at these companies will continue to try and use the excuse of problems at refineries and transportation issues.  What they fail to tell the public is that they continue to see record profits.  For not caring about the economic impact of their greed, these companies barely fall short of the top honor.

Check back weekly for the latest winners.  They will be announced every Monday night.

Peace….Hair Grease….& Love.