WEEKLY AWARDS

We now join our currently scheduled programming (fuzz on television crackles and programming comes on).  Good morning ladies and gentlemen.  It is that time once again when we award those lacking common sense, intelligence and overall moral fiber.  This week’s winners have shown that they have the true grit to be selfish, self indulging idiots.  The have passed muster for their lack of consideration to a nation and administration.  Without further ado, the winners are as follows.

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL)

The esteemed senator from the sunshine state has walked away with the award for Asshole of the Week.  He has proven to be prickly enough to deserve the notoriety.  On Thursday the senator was a guest on Hugh Hewitt’s talk radio program.  During his interview, he stated that he would continue to vote for a government shutdown or sequestration unless Obamacare is halted completely.  It seems that the senator believes Obamacare will have dire consequences on businesses and the U.S. health care industry.  Apparently he did not get the memo showing that this idea had been debunked.  Glad to see the Republican party makes sure that their decisions are made on facts and not myths.  Rubio showed his selfishness by threatening to vote to sequester.  It seems the money in his pocket is more important than the health of his constituents.  Well played asshole.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

Bill O’Reilly, Fox News Host 

Mr. O’Reilly has done and said many things in his time on Fox News.  However, it may be just possible that this is one of the best examples of his mastery of douchebaggery.  On Tuesday, he was interviewing a Fox News contributor, Alan Colmes.  During the interview O’Reilly flipped out and started yelling at Colmes and calling him a liar.  Colmes had stated that Obama had proposed spending cuts in the amount of $2 for every dollar that revenues raised.  He then cited Medicaid as a program that Obama was in favor of in regards to reduced spending.  O’Reilly then stated Colmes could not name one specific program that Obama would approve in regards to spending cuts.  When advised that Obama did approve of cuts to Medicaid, O’Reilly began yelling at Colmes calling him a liar and stating that Medicaid was not a specific program. Great job Mr. O’Reilly.  You have shown that even in the face of overwhelming facts, you refuse to accept anything the current administration or Democratic party say as fact.  It is for his steadfast dedication to ignore facts that wins him the award. Perhaps if he learned to accept facts his show would improve.

Well ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, those are the winners for this week.  It just goes to show that sometimes you can take the man away from the dumb but you can never take the dumb out of the man.  Tune in next week for yet another intoxicating installment of awards.

– Peace, hair grease and love.

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WEEKLY AWARDS

Hurry, hurry, step right up!  Come one come all and lay your eyes on the worst of the wicked, the dumbest of the dumb, the ….well you get the point.  It is time again to hand out our prestigious awards.  So, without further ado, let the show begin.

 

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK AWARD

Rep. K. Michael “Mike” Conaway (R-TX)

The esteemed representative from Texas is one of the biggest vocal critics on federal spending.  He has actually been put on record as saying that spending cuts would help create new jobs.  This is good.  Here comes the asshole however.  He recently lobbied the National Park Service to consider turning the childhood home of President George W. Bush into a national park location.  To begin with this sounds absolutely absurd.  A national park location for a president that pushed us into a trillion-dollar deficit.  This would require more tax money to be spent.  According to a study by the U.S. Department of Interior, it costs between $500,000 and $4,000,000 per year for each national park location.  So is really wise to make that house a park site?  Conaway earns the Asshole of the Week award for considering such foolishness during these financially trying times.  It appears he is not much smarter than his Texas hero.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK AWARD

Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA)

The wonderful senator from the great state of Iowa runs away with the Douchebag of the Week award.  He is one of the 22 Republican senators that voted against the Violence Against Women Act (VAMA).  He stated that VAMA is unconstitutional.  Specifically, his claim to total douchebaggery is his statement at a town hall meeting in Iowa.  He was asked by a woman why he voted against the act.  He stated, “Native Americans are not capable of holding fair trials.”  He was referring to white men being tried at tribal courts for crimes against women.  Not only did he prove himself to be ignorant, he showed that racism is alive and well in this country.  For this blatant display of stupidity there can be no other winner.

Well friends and foes, I hope that you have once more enjoyed the dubious distinctions that we have awarded.  We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

– Peace, hair grease and love.